alwaystheocean

If this sticks, I'm gonna need some more icons. Or at least a more up to date default.

Slight snafu in that I could not sleep for hours last night, I do suspect it's the, ahem, stimulant. I took it an hour earlier today, let's see if that helps any. I've also had a shower and am going to take myself to bed and start wind down earlier.

Didn't get up or going much earlier but again, by choice, because how much I didn't sleep wiped me out, and mornings are hard, and there's no real need to push through that right now. But again, that felt much easier to identify and decide than normal, normally I'd feel really bad about it.

Today wasn't quite as overwhelmingly obviously productive as yesterday but still pretty good.

The main thing to log is I've now had a couple of instances where I've been able to identify the sticking point isn't necessarily motivation, it's not wanting to do the thing because I want to rest because I'm tired instead, or have a bit longer with the thing I'm doing, which is stationary, before I move onto the thing I'm trying to get myself to do, which is active. And I couldn't hear that under a lot of ADHD guilt and anxiety and trying to cajole myself into something, I was just assuming I can't do a thing, so, bad. Absolutely wild sensation, it feels like excavating my own feelings and motivations. Which between therapy and medication for depression isn't new, just, a whole new area has been unlocked.

It's made today feel much more restful as a result, honestly. It's like when I *am* resting I know that I'll be better able to get up and do whatever it is when I'm done resting. Whereas normally I'd be stressing myself about how I'm wasting time, I won't get to it, oh god, this is a good window, I'll NEVER get to it. And like, I don't think this is a magic fix, but it feels like this tiny gear shift that's just making a lot of other things easier. So...it kind of also does feel a bit like magic. Wild, did I mention?

So I guess it's doing good things for executive function but also, I dunno, whichever bit of the ADHD brain that's bad at delayed gratification, external motivation, planning etc.

Today I bought a bunch of new clothes, it took about an hour, and much less agonising about the decisions involved. I also did more laundry, also noteworthy because I sorted through what was dry and what wasnted with neither sturm nor drang. Normally I just let it sit for days till I'm sure it's dry.

I also sorted through my snag tights, another task I've been thinking I should do for at least a year.

PLUS some other odds and ends around the house. Honestly any one or two of the things I've done the last two days would be a cause for celebration if I'd done them last week. And I'm still celebrating! Just. LOTS of things.

That said I also forgot to ask my BFF how she was when we were chatting cuz I was so excited about ADHD med developments (not a big deal, this is how we chat, just, some things stay the same), and forgot I was going to send an email. So, you know, not perfect.

I think if I don't adjust to it enough to sleep earlier at night that'll eventually be a problem but it's day 2, not worried yet.

Brave new world. That I'm going to take over. (OK, goodnight.)